His Reason
by 3VAD127
Summary: Ron is being plagued with nightmares. Why does he still fight? Well, he has his reasons.


**Disclaimer:** _KP_ and her rockin' fourth season (!!) belong to Disney, not me. I am just fortunate to be able to use her. (OK, that sounded wrong.)

**Author's Notes:** I got this idea from Slyrr's awesome pic "Redemption" (from his story The Return of Zorpox). Good stuff; I suggest you check it out. You can find the pic at his dA account and the story here at FF dot net.

**EDIT:** I originally had the accident year at five years. If you seem a little confused, I changed it to six because I re-did the math, and it came out to six. Sorry for any confusion. :) Read on!

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**His Reason**

Twenty-three year old Ron Stoppable sat awake in his apartment. His eyes were dark and bloodshot, his hair standing on end like he just stuck his finger in an electric socket. Ron's arms were wrapped around his knees, teeth buried into his forearm.

3:18 a.m.

He hadn't gotten any sleep. Any at all. In over three days.

But this was how it was every year.

Ever since that fateful spring weekend six years ago. That weekend he went to his cousin Reuben's wedding – twice. Every night, it was the same thing. He would wake up, usually around two or three, with horrible nightmares about what happened to him. Most of the time, his dreams were only fading memories, barely recognizable and soon lost after his first few minutes of consciousness. But every once in a while…

Every once in a while…

It was vivid. Bloody. Disgusting. He dreamt he did horrible things to his family. The world.

_Kim._

Ron was aware of every single movement of his hand tightening a bolt on a doomsday weapon, his voice giving the command to eliminate the opposition. It was like being under mind control – he knew it, but was powerless to change it.

_Hell._

Every night.

But tonight… Tonight was different. This was the anniversary of… the accident. He never got any sleep tonight. He hadn't for a while. Not for six years.

His teeth were drawing blood. He should stop biting. But he couldn't. There was only one phrase running through Ron's mind: _I can't fall asleep._

_Can't._

_Mustn't._

_Shouldn't fall asleep. Hell. Hell to pay._

His eyes quivered as the moisture building up behind them threatened to spill over. Ron drew in a sharp breath and screwed his eyes shut. He rocked back and forth.

_I deserve this. It is my punishment. I was powerless against him, and it is all my fault. Now I am paying the price._

Because he was incompetent.

Yes.

But it wasn't just at night. Sometimes he could still hear _his_ voice in his head, telling him to steal this or kill that.

No. He refused. He always did. But Zorpox chuckled to him… to them… inside his head and hid for a while. Then he would come out again, stronger this time. He poked and prodded and deceived Ron. So many lies and jabs, Ron had lost count.

He hated Zorpox.

But then again, wasn't that exactly what Zorpox wanted?

'_Every time we speak, I see your defenses crumbling. You're weak, Ron; can't even defend yourself against little ol' me.' _This was where he would chuckle._ 'Don't worry; I'm planning on a hostile takeover sooner or later. It won't hurt. Y'know, that much.' _Then he let out that laugh, that disgusting, disturbing, evil rendition of Ron's own catchphrase. He felt so violated.

Ron held himself closer and shivered, not from the cold of his bare chest, but out of fear. Horror. Disgust. Anger.

At himself, mostly. For not being able to protect the ones he loved from the one he hated.

From the one who hated _him_.

The chilly spring air wafted through his apartment window, rustling his blond locks. But he didn't feel it. The wind caused his hair to stand even more on end, and little goosebumps ran up and down his arms. But he didn't feel those, either. The only thing he _could_ feel was the deep, dark cold creeping into his soul.

_Zorpox._

Ron couldn't count how many times he had felt this before. And he had always fought back, sometimes valiantly, sometimes a little tiredly. But he always fought.

Not anymore.

That was it. He was done. Let Zorpox win. Let the blue-skinned freak try to take over the world. Kim Possible had stopped him once, and she could stop him again. She was smart, athletic, talented. She could do anything. She could destroy him… them. She _should_ destroy them. God only knew they both deserved it. Zorpox because he hurt people, himself because…

Well.

'Loser.' He was back. Trying to convince him to give up the fight, hand over the reins to Zorpox. So let him try. Maybe this time Ron would listen.

_I will listen this time._

'That's what you are: a certified loser. How does it feel to finally realize all the crap you heard in high school was actually _true_?' he taunted.

He was so good at that.

Ron stared at the wall, his eyes never blinking. His teeth were still red from the blood he had drawn. "Sucks," he said out loud. His voice was scratchy and hoarse – sounded like it came straight from a horror movie.

Zorpox _tsk_'ed. 'Such a shame. That pretty little redhead fed you some pretty nice lies, didn't she?' Ron nodded. 'It's too bad she's no longer a part of my life. She was such a perfect little…'

"Kim…" Ron coughed at the dryness in his throat. So instead he thought his responses. _Kim may not be a part of __**your**__ life, but she's still a part of mine._

'Oh please,' Zorpox scoffed. 'That little cheerleader beeyotch never gave a crap about what your feelings were. She only got together with you because it was "the right thing to do." She felt sorry for you, dude.'

For one split second, Ron thought he heard just a teensy bit of contempt in his voice. _That's a lie and you know it_, Ron argued. _We got together because we finally realized we loved each other._

'"_We_"? Sorry bro, there was no "_we_." I was there throughout the whole thing. You were all over her, and she played along to protect your dignity. Like I said, she felt bad. Didn't know how to let you down easily.' Zorpox said all this in a dull tone, like he was bored with the very concept of Kim and Ron.

The tiniest of sighs escaped Ron's lips. His eyes burned, his forearm tingled from the blood dripping to the floor. He was so tired…

_Can't fall asleep._

He didn't want to deal with this now. He had been awake for three days; he just wanted to curl up and fall asleep. Never wake up.

_I guess so_…

'Tired?' His alter-ego had the uncanny ability to overstate the obvious.

_I'm tired of this. Tired of fighting. Tired of you. I just want to give up._

'Why?' Zorpox prodded.

_Because I'm a loser. Giving up is what losers do._

'Very good. You're catching on.'

Ron felt the cold creeping through his insides. It wasn't just an emotional thing, it was now a _physical feeling_. He could feel the sweat pouring down his face… But inside, he felt so cold. Still. Dark. If you could feel dark. He felt like he was going to vomit.

'See?' his opponent said. 'This isn't so bad now, is it?'

Ron's teeth were chattering, and more sweat dripped off his body. "N-no," he said finally. He closed his eyes. _Not bad at all._

He leaned his head against the wall and let the wave of icy-cold wash over him. He was so still. So lifeless. Ron felt all his limbs go numb, and the darkness inside him climbed up his spine. He shivered and sucked in a breath as he felt it shoot through his heart. He grimaced as a sort of throbbing pain came with the chill, climbing up his spine. His back arched dramatically as the tips of it licked at the base of his skull. It felt like icy cold fire eating away at him from the inside out.

A pained moan erupted from his throat, and his fingers dug into the blood-stained carpet. Ron's chocolate brown eyes shot open, and the pupils dilated as he felt his remaining willpower being sucked away.

'Don't worry,' Zorpox cackled, 'it's fun moving in to the deep recesses of your own mind. You know, I'll even let you have my old room. How does that sound?'

Ron was paralyzed. Almost incapable of thought. But through all his pain, he somehow managed to convince himself what was happening to him was OK. _It's for the better. I'm tired of fighting. Better to just_…_ let him take over. Let him win._

Ron closed his eyes once again as he felt his mind go numb. _Yeah_…_ Just this once._

And Ron Stoppable knew only darkness.

Except…

Except for one sliver of light. The yellow glow from the hallway flooded through the cracked door and bathed his room in a soft glow. And all at once, everything stopped. Ron felt the icy numbness almost "jump," shocking his system into jump-starting itself. His eyes shot open, and the darkness quickly faded into nothing. It was sucked out and replaced with the faint beam of light coming from his doorway.

His whole body burned as his nerves got used to feeling again. Ron rubbed his bloodshot eyes and squinted at the figure in his doorway. It was a little girl, about six years old. Her dark hair was cropped back above her ears, and her brown eyes were so deep and curious they seemed almost black. She held a battered teddy bear in her arms. His old teddy bear.

Hana's wide eyes gazed at him with curiosity and trepidation. She and Ron held a special connection – somehow she always knew when he needed help.

Ron blinked away the fog in his mind. _(Not one hint of Zorpox_… Why was she here?

Oh yeah. His mom was visiting from Middleton, and she brought Hana along. She must've come from the sleeper sofa in the living room.

Han toddled over to him, clutching her beloved bear and never taking her eyes off him. Ron stared right back.

"Ron," she said softly.

Ron gulped. "H-hey Han," he choked. "Are you sleeping OK?"

Hana blinked. "I'm scared for you, Ron."

"I'm scared, too."

She sat down beside him, and Ron opened his arms. The girl crawled into his lap and wrapped her free arm around his neck. They cuddled, and Hana buried her face into the warm embrace of her big brother. Tears poured down Ron's face as he realized what he had been missing all along.

_Zorpox will always torture me, ever since the accident. But I can't let him get to me. I'm a hero, he's a villain. Heroes fight, right to the very end._

Hana sighed and clutched her teddy bear closer to herself. Ron rested his cheek against her head.

_And I've just discovered the very best thing to fight for. Kim, Hana, my parents_…_ There's always someone who cares about me. No matter what Zorpox tells me or what he whispers in my ear, I know the truth._

_I will fight. I am a hero._


End file.
